A Scene from GLORIA by Branden Jacobs-Jenkins | Goodman Theatre

A Scene from GLORIA by Branden Jacobs-Jenkins | Goodman Theatre


It’s just what happens when you
stay in this hideous place for too long. It could happen to any of us. Really, Kendra?
The intern is right there. He’s wearing his headphones. And I hope you’re paying attention, Ani. I know your whole thing
is like “Oh, I’m so pretty.” “I’m a pretty nerd. I graduated
college a year early with like a neuroscience degree
and was going to go to clone like baby brains but accidently wound up in
magazines because I know computer and science stuff but if this doesn’t work out
I can always just go to like brain school or computer school
or wherever pretty nerds go.” But you better start
figuring your shit out. Get a five year plan.
Because if you don’t you’re going to wake up
one day and this interesting thing you thought you were
going to do after college is actually your career and
you have to live with it. (burp) Ew. For example: this cautionary tale. Excuse me? Don’t you hold the title for
the longest living assistant on Edit Row? No. Daisy’s been here the longest. Daisy doesn’t count. She’s the assistant to
the editor in chief which is basically an associate editor. And I said “longest living.” Aren’t you turning thirty any day now? I will die before I turn
thirty in a cubicle. Let me know how I can
help you with that. And Daisy is not an
associate editor. First of all she ghost-edits all the
writers Michael doesn’t want Second of all, if you’re in a cubicle you’re an assistant. Okay, Dean. Believe
what you need to believe. What’s your five year plan, Kendra? What do you mean? You’re 27. That gives
you only three years. Um, I’m clearly making healthy
strides towards an exit. With what? Your fake twitter
accounts or your fashion tumblrs. Eat me. At least I’m getting my name out there. I guess I should be on the
Drunk Uncle Dean plan Getting wasted every night
and continue waiting around here for a promotion
that’s never going to happen? Kendra, do some work. If you had half a brain you’d look around and see everyone
in charge here is pushing 60 or just past it and they’re not going anywhere and they are certainly
not thinking about you.

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