Ecopocalypse by Theatre Makers
Ecopocalypse a Theatre Makers production I’ve been searching for drinkable water for two days.
Me too, and running from the oil spill and that burning river. I’m not
sure how much longer we can go on. Remember back in 2018, the good old days, when only a third of the world’s population couldn’t get clean water?
Well, at least one in ten still had breathable air. Unlike today, when only the rich get any clear air or water at all. I can’t believe those rich
people can escape this environmental hell in their gated communities where
they can have whatever they want. While I haven’t had any drinkable water for two
days and for the last two years I’ve forgotten what a shower feels like.
Yeah, I feel like the oil is permanently slicked to my skin and it seems like this smog never leaves my lungs. (coughs)
Not to mention that we’re all going to die much younger than we should.
Hey, what’s that? Is that a bottle of water? One of those
rich people must have dropped it. Rajendra Shiva, I saw it first!
Possession is nine tenths of the law, Julian Butterfly Abbey. I hope you still have a drop of
humanity left and will share the water. Well, if it’s just between the two of us.
But what about my sister and her two kids?
They’re not here and there isn’t enough, besides we have to draw the line somewhere. So refreshing.
I guess that decides that. Oh, that is good.
It looks like there’s a drop left.
Well, I was thinking about finishing it off myself, but here.
Thanks, that’s so kind of you. Oh darling, what horrible weather.
I can’t go outside even in our Eco-Paradise.
At least there haven’t been any air emergency sirens today. Do you mean because of the smog and the soot
falling from the sky, Ivanka? Not even you, a famous Koch, can escape it?
We can escape the poor riffraff trying to climb our walls, but neither Koch’s nor
Pruitt’s can escape the polluted air at the moment, Barron. Oh, I can barely breathe.
I’ll be glad when they when they finish building our clean air dome in our Eco-Paradise.
I wish we had the dome too. I’m sick of putting on this respirator
suit every time I go outside. Isn’t your suit functioning?
It’s a little tight around my throat and my waist. I see you ordered the – which design is that?
Oh, I got the design from Chevron.
I see it’s extra slimming.
Yes, it’s the extra slimming design from Chevron.
Well, it certainly does look stylish on you, Ivanka.
Thank you. But I can’t go outside for too long, Barron, just more 20 minutes.
I have the long-lasting model from ExxonMobil, my dear. I can stay outside for 90 minutes.
Oh, but yours isn’t extra slimming! True, I’m a fashion disaster. (coughing)
But not as much of a disaster as those who can’t even afford a respirator suit. I’m thirsty.
Mine is almost empty!
Yeah, this one has extra capacity and it eliminates the contaminants really fast.
I can drink within five minutes after going to the bathroom. Isn’t yours empty? Mine is just about empty.
Mine is not extra fast like yours. Feel free to refill it honey, we can’t
afford to be embarrassed about relieving ourselves in public anymore. I was
thinking of moving. I’ve heard they have better urine processing systems in
Vancouver, and they say the pollution isn’t so bad there.
Oh really, do you think it’s better?
That’s what I heard. I heard the water that is left is completely toxic. And if you want to
go outside anywhere you have to wear a respirator suit.
Maybe you’re right.
(air emergency siren) We are so pleased to have you all here
today for the grand opening of the Pruitt Center for Hydraulic Coal and Gas
Fracking. Today we have a very special guest: the one, the only, Barron Pruitt!
(applause) Thank you, thank you, thank you!
It’s such a pleasure to be here today to see this project finally coming to life.
I am so moved that we here today can provide such a loving tribute to my father Scott Pruitt, former administrator of the
US Environmental Protection Agency, and a great advocate for all kinds of fracking.
(applause and some booing) Of course we are aware of the
environmental situation nowadays. We are trying to raise funds for the
environment and from the environment. It’s going to be fantastic!
Thank you Ivanka, you have been such an incredible support to me and my family over the years.
That’s bullshit, more profits for the rich and pollution for the poor!
I am so happy to announce not only the founding and opening of the
Pruitt Center for Hydraulic Coal and Gas Fracking, but also a new breakthrough in
coal fracking that will enable us to use toxic chemicals to extract coal from
bedrock literally anywhere in the world. In fact we are fracking coal here
today, even as we speak!
Ooh, ahh! We don’t need no dirty coal, we need clean air!
I don’t like those silly protestors.
I mean, but now that you mention it, clean air is a very profitable business opportunity.
I mean, look at all the clean air vendors. My stock is climbing with every sale of each bottle!
But I can’t afford clean air at those prices. Get a job you damn hippie!
Clean air, it will rejuvenate you.
Rejuvenate my ass! Just like the rich to profit off the misery of the public!
Clean air engineered especially for optimal breathing. You’re greedy capitalists. We’re just walking dollar signs to you!
The best society is a capitalist society in which corporations can make the maximum profits for their
shareholders. All this fracking endangers everybody.
Fracking causes earthquakes and contaminates the groundwater with toxic
chemicals as we have seen at many fracking sites.
We’re going to shut this travesty down! I see we have a problem with the
protesters here today. Luckily, I asked (wink, wink) some of the guys at the
local hydraulic coal refinery to come help us out.
Come on guys! Get your butts in gear! You cover my ass and I will cover yours! Wars for Tar Sands!
Profits from Pollution! Make America Great Again and Again! (cheering and booing) Oh my god, it’s an earthquake! This is a message from the Emergency
Warning System. A Richter scale 9.4 earthquake has struck the San
Francisco Bay Area, toppling most buildings and bridges.
Please shelter in place until emergency crews can assist you. This is a message
from the Emergency Warning System. A Richter scale 9.4 earthquake has struck
the San Francisco Bay Area, toppling most buildings and bridges…
If only we had known about the Ecopocalypse back in 2018, maybe we could have done something differently! Oh my, Barron. Okay, we may have to make a few
refinements to the coal fracking process, but we’ll be back to big profits in no time at all! (screaming and sirens) English Closed Captions
by Cameron Stark