‘Mattress She Wrote’

‘Mattress She Wrote’


I don’t know if you remember but last year I created my own crime
drama called The Mattress Firm. You’ll never guess who sponsored it. It was Mattress Firm.>>[LAUGH]
>>Anyway, it was so popular that the people
demanded a spinoff. So it’s time for
our first episode of Mattress She Wrote.>>[MUSIC] [SOUND]>>[APPLAUSE] [MUSIC]>>[APPLAUSE]>>Melvin I’m so happy I can finally write my memoir, Mattress She Wrote, after
solving upwards of three mattress crimes.>>Upwards of three.>>Don’t type that. Don’t you know the difference
between talking and dictating. [NOISE] You said dictating.>>[LAUGH]
>>All right, all right. It was a cold, dark night when I was
called to the scene of a mattress crime. It was gruesome,
the mattress was a least eight years old. And everyone knows to keep a mattress
that long, you’d have to be nuts.>>[NOISE] You said nuts.>>[LAUGH]
>>Hello.>>[LAUGH]
>>Hi.>>[LAUGH]
>>Hi. I’m looking for [LAUGH]
>>[LAUGH]>>I’m looking for Charlize. Charlize is the private eye.>>Are you speaking Wales, sweetie? You’ve gotta lay off the sauce. I’m Charlize but I’m retired,
gotta get out of the mattress game.>>You’re out of the mattress game. Well, I need your help, I’m so tired and I haven’t been able to sleep for
days, without yawning.>>[LAUGH]
>>Yes, yawn talking is out of control because
millions of people aren’t sleeping happy. This could have been avoided
with a good nights sleep and a new mattress from Mattress Firm. [SOUND]
>>[LAUGH]>>[SOUND]>>What’s that?>>What are you referring to?>>I don’t know.>>[LAUGH]
>>Do you mean that?>>[LAUGH]
>>What’s that?>>[LAUGH]
>>Those are my melons.>>[LAUGH]
>>Give me. [LAUGH]
>>I like to sleep on my melons.>>[LAUGH]
>>Nothing’s more important than sleeping, what you sleep on matters. This case is solved. Melvin help her out.>>[LAUGH]>>[SOUND]>>Give me my melons!>>Help.>>We should do this again.>>All right.>>Today’s episode of Mattress She Wrote
was brought to you by the number one destination to help you sleep happy,
Mattress Firm. And shoulder pads. They’re not just for football.>>[APPLAUSE

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