“Peanut: Can you hear me now?” | Arguing with Myself  | JEFF DUNHAM

“Peanut: Can you hear me now?” | Arguing with Myself | JEFF DUNHAM

– You know what else pissed me off today? – What? – Tried using my cell phone. – Having trouble? – Just like the stinking commercials. Can you hear me now? How bout now? Now? Now? Now? Now? (Audience laughs) – You know when you don’t hear in those commercials? – What? – The other end of the conversation. (Audience laughs) (Peanut sputters) (Audience laughs) (Peanut makes static sound) (Audience laughs) – What the hell is this (bleep)? (Audience laughs) – You know what cell phones sex is? – Nope. – Can you feel me now? How bout now? (Audience laughs) (Peanut laughs) – Stop it. (Audience laughs) – This guy’s not getting any of this. I’ve been watching him the whole time and it’s all going (razor sound) I’m just kidding buddy what’s your name? What is your name? I’m (bleep) looking right at ya! (Audience laughs) – Aren’t I? – I think so. (Audience laughs) – Fix my eyes, ass(bleep). (Audience laughs) – It’s hard to talk to
somebody if they’re not looking right at them. – I know. – It’s like trying to talk somebody that’s got a lazy eye. You don’t know which eye to focus on. (Audience laughs) – Have you ever done
that? You’re sitting there talking to them thinking
aw crap should I be looking at that eye or that eye? (Audience laughs) – Focus here you moron! (Audience laughs) – (high pitched voice) What? (Audience laughs) – What if someone here has a lazy eye? – I’ll confuse them. Here I am. No here. Here. Here. Here. (Audience laughs) – (mouths) I’m sorry. (Audience laughs) – Do you know what Pesto is? – Pesto? Is it the stuff
that goes on salad and pizza? – Nope. Pesto it’s a magician with a hair lip. (muffled) and now. (Audience laughs) – (muffled) and now! (audience laughs) – What if somebody here has a hair lip? – (with lisp) thorry. – Oh stop it. (Audience laughs) – Boy what if they had a hair
lip thing and a lazy eye? They’re really gonna be methed up. (Audience laughs) – Back to you dude. (razor sound) – I’m kidding you right here in the blond hair and glasses
what is your first name? – (Audience Member) Terry. – (singsong voice) Terry! (Audience laughs) – What do you do for a living, Terry? – A business analyst. – A business analyst? Fascinating. (Audience laughs) – How the hell does that work? You go to a business and go mmm mhm mm (Audience laughs) – You are a business. (Audience laughs) (Audience members clap) ( Peanut laughs) – So where were we before this? – Before this we were in , uh, D.C – Ah, yes. Washington, D.C. Doing a show in a
theater. A lovely theater. Five minutes into the
show I had to look down about where you’re sitting. There was a guy sitting
right there where you are and he was facing that way. – Right. – And every time I said
something the guys went.. (Audience laughs) – And I go hey buddy what are you doing? And the guy goes.. (Audience laughs) – It was a signer. – Right. – A signer! Think about that for
a second. They brought a bunch of deaf people
to see the ventriloquist. (Audience laughs) – What?! What do you do next? Take blind folks to see David Copperfield? (Audience laughs) – The elephant disappeared! (Audience laughs) – It just (bleep)ing disappeared. (Audience laughs) – Oh my god he’s juggling
now. You should see- – oh sorry! (Audience laughs) – The hell are they thinking? – And this is in the
show and then this guys pissing me off cause I’ve never seen myself talk before. (Audience laughs) – And I thought okay I’m
going to get even with this guy. And suddenly
in the middle of the show I went hey, stop sign,
thank you, turn around don’t honk your horn, horseshoe, turtle (Audience laughs) – And this poor bastard’s
just signing away. (Audience laughs) – All the deaf folks are like.. (Audience laughs) – The hell’s going on? (Audience laughs) – Our guy sucks. (Audience laughs) – And then to really screw
with the guy I went.. (mouths nothing and laughs silently) (Audience laughs) – Of course now he’s just sitting there. All the deaf folks are like uhhh (Audience laughs) Come on! What are we missing?! (Audience laughs)

100 thoughts on ““Peanut: Can you hear me now?” | Arguing with Myself | JEFF DUNHAM

  1. You know the whole thing with the cell phone thing that pretty much happened to me one time and I said this to myself what a piece of shit why I did we buy this piece shit phone and it wasn’t even iPhone it’s it was another touchscreen phone but I had a little problem sometimes glitches all the time

  2. I think Peanut is one of the funniest puppets that Jeff has, he's SO unpredictable, never know what he's going to say though, guess that's what I like about Peanut 🙂

  3. Peanut: Teerrrrrry! What do you do for a living, Terrrryyyyy?

    Terry: A business analyst.

    Peanut: A- a business analyst? F a s c i n a t i n g. How the hell does that work? Eh- go to a business and go "Mmm mmm mmm mmmm….. You are a business."

  4. “Hey! Stop sign! Thank you! Turn around! Doing-doing! Horseshoe! Turtle! all of a sudden, a bunch of gibberish And this dude is SIGNIN’ AWAAAAYYY”

  5. as someone who struggles with being deaf (hence I have two cochlear implants to help me) I just fucking died XD your a funny man

  6. i love jeff this guy can get away with anything they just ball laughing, he went from cell phone sex
    to making fun of lazy eye people to making fun of the deff and their still balling haha

  7. deal with a lot of pain like tonight Peanut always makes me forget hard to explain or understand sometimes I laugh so hard I forget about it thank you

  8. "TERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY", was the part that cracked me up ALOT..
    José: I laughed so hard I crack my stick. XD
    Me: *Being funny* *Yells out classmates' name* "JERRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!"

  9. I swear this guy is so good at ventriloquism ,and I know a lot of people say this, but some times I forget these puppets aren’t alive, each of them have there own personalities and Jeff is such a perfect guy for comedy and I just love peanut, Jose, and achmed there probably my favorite characters in these amazing shows which is probably why I find myself binging them after a long day of school so thanks Jeff you make my days better which is why I want to see one of your shows someday

  10. So, Peanut is great!!! But, who is that guy on stage by him? Security!? Security!? 😛 Love ya Jeff Dunham! Thanks for all the fun!

  11. If I were to ever get a “neow” directed at me by Peanut I would NOT be disappointed. Also, when Peanut always goes to eat Jeff’s face is the funniest thing ?

  12. Am I the only one who thinks they should make a cartoon out of his puppets an make them where there there own people ??

  13. One of the few men on the planet who can insult you in a GIANT room of people and make you laugh about it. But really who could get mad at a Purple dude with one shoe?

  14. Jeff is slipping, his lips move too much, he use to be great, no lips moving, but they do, however, this is sooooooooo funny

  15. 0:36 (a little after) Neeeeeeewwww! Just close you´r eyes and listen to peanut say that. And you will get a picture of a race car speeding past you!

  16. "Do you know what cellphone sex is?"
    "Can you feel me now? How about now? Hehahahaha! HUH HUH!

    Never fails to crack me up! ?

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