The Luxury Hotel in an Abandoned Construction Crane
Amsterdam, February 2016 — Dutch Lauren, Russian Marie, and myself, reluctantly British Jeeves, took a trip down to down to Amsterdam North, which is sort of like the third Franco brother in that it often gets overlooked because People look over at it And they’re like that weird face, but then eventually they go up to it, and they realize the weirdness is the main attraction. I wanna tell you about five cool pieces of urban design that I saw on our venture to Amsterdam North Noombehr wahn, zeh ahtonnel Before we got to Amsterdam North, there’s a new tunnel beside Amsterdam Central Station split between cyclists on one side and pedestrians on the other, which runs from the city centre through to the River IJ waterfront. The pedestrian side is wrapped in a mural formed from 80,000 Delft tiles. “So tell me about the tunnel, Lauren.” “It was made for cyclists because we kept having to cycle around the station.” “Do you like paintings on the wall?” “Yeah.” “But?” “No, I do.’ ‘Oh my God.” What?! It just ended! They ran out of paint. Delft, by the way, is quite an iconic style of blue and white pottery originating from the city of Delft in the Netherlands. Noombehr twu: fhree fehrree. in this life there are very few things which are totally 100% free. One of the things that is totally 100% (for visitors, not for taxpayers) is the ferry between Amsterdam Central and Amsterdam North. So, yeah — The ferry is free. Noombehr hthtree: zeh abahndoh sheepya. in 1937 NSM was the bigger shipbuilding company in the world. They later most with NDM to form NDSM, which stands for Thank you, Lauren, our official translator. In 1978, they stopped building, and six years after that they stopped repairing, so that shipbuilding died in 1984. Orwell/oh well! Squatters started moving into NDSM’s abandoned shipyard buildings. These old trams are now lived in by people. The City Council loved the idea of nurturing the site into a sort of breeding ground of creativity. Loads of shipping containers were repurposed in many different ways, including an entire boathouse which is filled with containers which have been transformed into tiny offices and workspaces. The canteen where ship workers once ate was changed slightly to become a public-serving restaurant, and and many of the ship workers still eat there. Which is just so cute! There’s another eatery — Café Greenhouse Noorderlicht — Dutch pronunciation WHICH is where we went. It’s blissfully bright throughout the day because the whole thing is coated in translucent plastic. There are makeshift performance stages, boats which are also planets, a 3D mural on the slipway celebrating NDSM’s involvement with an ocean clean-up project and Lauren found a possessed baby doll… “Horror movie?” “Why? That is absolutely… …horrifying.” “You’re dead.” “You’re cursed.” Noomberh fohr: zeh lehkshree hühtehl. So, in NDSM, there’s a crane. No, not the bird, like a metal crane. The crane was actually the initial reashon— Reashon? REASHON. REASHON. The crane was actually the reason we went to Amsterdam North in the first place after I read about it in this book 500 Secrets of Amsterdam. “That’s just a boring old crane, right? Wrong!” “It’s a crane with a hotel and a swimming pool and a bungee jumping facility.” There are three hotel rooms and you might think they’re a little dingy, maybe a little dirty, because they are at the top of an abandoned crane, but they are stylish as hell— assuming that Satan had like a lil renovation, made the place all cozy and fancy, and yeah you can bungee jump off the end and swing through the air from a rope. And it’s 400 Euros to stay there, at least, so start saving! Noombehr fahv: Ze büht hühtehl. I am aware that my French accent is not vehrhy ghood. Sorry about zat. I’m a designer — I nerd out over weird quirky details in urban design and architecture. So before I even get started on this next one, I need to take the edge off. It’s a boat. It’s a hotel. It’s called BOTEL. The name is a pun. The letters ‘BOTEL’ are spelled out on top of the boat in large red letters. The large red letters are rooms that you can stay in. The ‘B’ has a halfpipe for skaters. The ‘O’ is like an erotica-themed room that has, like, handcuffs and spanking paddles, and other fun stuff. The ‘T’ is a replica of the captain’s quarters and it’s filled with all kinds of crazy hidden gadgets. And the ‘L’ is sort of an embodiment of Japanese approaches to mindfulness, serenity, minimalism. ‘E’ is my favorite because it has a cinema screen that streams movies from the EYE Film institute. Look at this photo closely and you will notice that you can sit in the bathtub in a giant red letter on top of a boat that is a hotel while watching a cinema screen streaming movies from the local film institute You can’t fit that kind of bragging rights in a tweet. You will run out of characters. I just hope that one day I have enough YouTube subscribers so that they let me stay there for free because oh my god I would make my magnum opus YouTube video there and probably start my porn career in the ‘O’. room. All of the stuff I’ve talked about, I haven’t even scratched the surface of Amsterdam North. There’s so much quirky stuff happening there. I’ll take you back there someday in another video in the future. In the meantime, tell me in the comments a weird thing about where you are from and then I will pay you a visit and we can go there and make a video about it, and then we’ll sit in a coffee shop and hang out somewhere and we’ll play Angry Birds on our iPod Touches… Like the good old days! Remember when iOS looked like this? I am going off on a tangent, it is time to say goodbye. Goodbye! I really wish I made these videos more consistently. I wish had the time to be able to do it. I love talking shit to a camera! I love… Just wish I could do this more.